I was fingering a chick and she had a massive vagina. Like my whole hand easily fit in it. I got really confused in my dream. I wanted to know how it got that way but I didn’t want to embarrass her. LOL AND THEN I WOKE UP. LIKE WTF. WHY AM I DREAMING ABOUT A GAPING PUSSY.

thats-slightly-raven:

thats-slightly-raven:

My dad just dropped a bowl of pasta on the floor and it went everywhere, and he stared at it for like 5 minutes, sighed and then said ‘sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead’ and then he walked off without cleaning it up.

I told my dad a post about him has nearly 40k notes and he told me that he doesn’t understand what ‘tumblrering’ is but he doesn’t want to be involved in my lonely shenanigans.

(via giraffe-spit)

Send me a fairytale.

• Snow White: Do you consider yourself pretty?
• Sleeping Beauty: How many hours do you sleep each night?
• Cinderella: Do you have a curfew?
• Rapunzel: Do you like being outside?
• Little Red Riding Hood: Do you trust strangers easily?
• The Wolf and the seven little Goats: Are you easily fooled?
• The Seven Ravens: Do you have any siblings? How is your relationship to them?
• Beauty and the Beast: What makes a person beautiful in your eyes?
• The Little Mermaid: What sacrifice would you bring for love?
• The Frog Prince: What do you find disgusting?
• Jack and the Beanstalk: What plants are in your room?
• Puss in Boots: Do you have a pet? Do you want one?
• Rumpelstiltskin: What is the meaning of your url?
• Bluebeard: Name one character flaw!
• Pinocchio: What is your greatest wish?
• Peter Pan: What is your (mental) age?
• The Star Money: What is your most prized possesion?
• Golden Mary and Pitch Mary: Are you more of a lazy person or do you work hard?
• The Snow Queen: Who is your best friend and what would you do for them?
• Godfather Death: What qualities do you think make a good parent?
• The Twelve Dancing Princesses: Do you like to go on parties?
• The Emperor's New Clothes: Do you care much about your clothes?
• The Valiant Little Tailor: Do you think of yourself as brave?
• The Princess and the Pea: Are you a squeamish person?

I swear that the tv just said “the black cock is perfect.”

thecompanionsdoctor:

Whenever my friend says goodnight to me on Skype he sends me this gif

and I wanted to send it to him tonight so I went to Google “black man turning off lamp” but Google autofill changed it to “black man turning into jet” and I got this

Long story short it’s 1am and I’ve been laughing at this for approximately 20 years

(via scarsdontfadeaway)